Stuck. That’s where I’ve been. I just looked back at the last time I wrote: September 2014, “The Long Winter.” And here I am….still feeling like I’m in winter. What? What excuse can I possibly have for still being in the middle of winter? When I look back over the last three years, I can see so much that the Lord has done in my heart and in our family, but it still feels like winter. Something is not right.
Sleepless nights and never-ending housework and diapers and needy little voices are no excuse for being stuck. God is faithful and He has kept me alive through little moments with Him and little nudges from the Spirit, but if I’m really honest with myself, I haven’t tried very hard to get un-stuck. It’s hard to be motivated when I have to wipe away the cobwebs from my foggy brain to read a chapter in His word. How many times have I finished reading a few verses, only to wonder what I just read? Ugh. It’s hard to persevere when I don’t see any fruit, or even any buds.
But not despairing. Even with my feet stuck, I have still longed for spring; longed for the great thawing of ice and snow. It has felt like “always winter, and never Christmas,” but I have held onto great hope that eventually, I would start to hear icicles dripping and birds chirping, signifying the end of winter and the beginning of spring. Even in the coldest of nights, I’ve known that spring is coming and cannot be stopped.
You know what comes with spring: a busyness….everything is busy. Animals are busy preparing for their young. The grass and the flowers and the trees are busy soaking up the sun and everything is turning green. That busyness has been stirring in my heart for the last few months. Thankfully, God has not left me like the dead tree that is in my front yard. He’s been stirring me too…stirring me to stop waiting for the cobwebs to clear on their own. He hasn’t let me nap on the rare occasion that all my kids are napping or busy. He has stirred me to meet with Him. And it is wonderful. He has brought to mind verses I memorized years ago and I’ve meditated on them for days.
So here I am. A couple of weeks ago I sat down with the newly published Grace Laced Book, by Ruth Chou Simons. It’s beautiful. Every page is filled with her art and her meditations on Christ are organized by season: how appropriate for how I feel right now. I started in Winter (which happened to be at the beginning, but also perfect for me right now). I made the goal to just sit down for twenty minutes each day and read a meditation and look up the extra verses she listed on the side. Even though my goal was to do one a day, I found myself spending multiple days on one: Dwell, Lean, Sufficient, Present….
More to come on the perfect timing of meditating on those few words and their corresponding Scriptures, but for now, go check out that book if you haven’t heard of it. And if you’re close to me, you may just get it for Christmas. It’s that good.